Do you feel pressured by all the self-care “to do’s” you feel you should do?

Exercise. Walk at least 10,000 steps daily. Lift weights — but let’s also do fasted cardio.

Stretching, mobility, yoga. Meditate. Write a gratitude journal. Catch the sunrise. Ground in the grass.

All before you’ve even started your day.

It’s easy — just get up 20 minutes earlier! That’s all it takes. Easy, they tell you.

Eat at least 30g of protein in each meal — but not the processed kind and only organic. 

You should eat your vegetables, preferably in all of the colors of the rainbow— but not the ones that don’t want to be eaten because they contain anti-nutrients and those aren’t good for you. 

Drink 2 liters of water. Focus on your breath. Take naps.

Be outdoors at least 2 hours every day — morning, midday, and evening.

And then one day your back starts hurting.

You go to the chiropractor, and you leave with a list of exercises to do 3x daily.

You ask them how the heck you’re going to make it work — and they say: “It’ll only take 10 minutes. You have 10 minutes. We all have 10 minutes.”

And in between all of that, you’re trying to manage life. But also, actually enjoy it.

In this episode, I explore what happens when we try to fix our stress and self-worth struggles with the very tools and energy that created them — and why real change starts deeper.

Why Self-Care Starts to Feel Like a Performance

I’ve been there. When everything — even breathing — becomes a to-do.

Self-care becomes a performance. And quite honestly, a double punishment.

Not only are you failing at life because you can’t keep your shit together.

You’re also failing at the very things that are supposed to help you feel better.

It’s shame layered with shame.

Before I continue I just to be clear: I’m not against any of these practices. Obviously not. I teach and practice yoga, breathwork, and meditation myself.

The practices in themselves aren’t the problem.

The problem is the energy behind them

The problem is when you use these as a way to self-care yourself out of a life that is out of alignment.

How My Healing Journey Turned Into Another Hustle

When I first started my healing — I lost myself in self-care practices for a while. 

Those of you who know my story know that for most of my life, I’ve longed for something different.

When Covid came, something cracked open in me. I started asking questions. 

WTF is going on? Who am I? What am I doing with my life?

It became clear I was on the wrong path. I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.

I made the decision to shift my being. I asked for guidance — and made a promise to act on what came to me.

One of those things was enrolling in a yoga teacher training.

The training was amazing. I experienced true embodiment for the first time in what felt like forever.

And at the same time, I was introduced to a whole new world — crystals, tarot cards, astrology, tantra.

New books, new tools, new practices. I learned transcendental meditation. I explored different levels of consciousness.

I started to awaken. To change.

But the change also felt uncomfortable. And the discomfort fueled the anxious part of me who didn’t feel enough unless she was performing.

That part was like: “Great! New tools! Let’s perform our way out of this.”

Over time, all of it started to feel like pressure.

If I didn’t start my morning with a ritual, if I didn’t do all the things — I felt like I was failing.

I had just replaced my old “doing” with new doing.

And the reason? There was a part of me that was still too afraid to slow down and turn within.

These practices soothed me. They grounded me.
But I didn’t realize, a part of me was using them to feel comfortable in a life I wasn’t comfortable in.

And on top of that, it felt familiar to perform and have something concrete to do. And it felt good for a while, but then I’d start to feel bad for not doing all the things I had heard was good for me.

The Hidden Trap of “Doing” Your Way Out of Discomfort

So here’s the thing:

If you’re using meditation to duct tape your anxiety or overworking together, it will always feel like a to-do.

If you’ve made it a to-do, and you have a deep rooted belief that your worth is tied to finishing your to-do list, you’re just recreating the same loop.

And you might not even see it, but all you’ve done is switch one type of performance for another.

I once read somewhere that “most people paint themselves into a corner and use meditation to feel comfortable there.”

Instead of using meditation — or any of these practices — to confront your inner world, you’re using it to cope just enough to stay functioning in a life that doesn’t feel right.

It’s like training a lion to tolerate living in a zoo,  instead of opening the cage and letting it roam free.

And if you’ve spent your whole life in captivity, you may not even realize there’s a cage.

Why 95% of Your Actions Come from Subconscious Programming

So what does it take to truly transform?

Here’s the truth:

95% of your actions are fueled by your subconscious. 

The function of your subconscious mind is to store and retrieve data. Its job is to ensure that you respond exactly the way you are programmed. 

Your subconscious mind makes everything you say and do fit a pattern consistent with your self-concept.

This is your paradigm, the way you look at the world and yourself. 

Your paradigm is like autopilot.

If it’s set to stress and pressure, or burnout, no matter how peaceful your vision is, your system will fly you right back to chaos.

This is why meditation alone won’t change your life. You have to reprogram the paradigm.

Why Your Self-Care Practices Aren’t Creating Real Change

Most people don’t get this.

Instead of going for the paradigm, and the underlying beliefs that have created it, they try to fix the problem by working on the problem.

And a logical solution to the problem of stress or overworking is to do something that relaxes you – meditation, yoga or supplements. 

But it doesn’t create real change, because underneath, the subconscious is still running the show, saying things like:

•  “Stress keeps me safe.”
• “Overworking proves my worth.”
• “Rest is lazy.”
• “Other people’s needs come first.”

And those beliefs will pull you back every time.

We can’t solve a problem from the same level of consciousness that created it. You’ve heard this, Einstein is credited for the quote but there’s a lot of things he supposedly said so don’t fact check me on the quote. 

What I want you to understand is that performance got you here — and now you’re trying to perform your way out.

But if you use what created the problem to try to fix it, you’ll only get more of the same.

That’s why real transformation is not about picking up a new practice just because someone said it’s good for you.

Real transformation is about shifting who you are, which, paradoxically, is about becoming more of who you already are.

And it’s not always about feeling better right away.

Real growth means facing things you’ve been avoiding, grief, anger, confusion, pain with compassion and presence.

These aren’t things to meditate or breathe yourself out of. They are signs from your system trying to wake you up. 

The work is to get curious about what they have to say. Anxiety isn’t just something that shows up randomly and something to immediately try to remove. It has a message. 

So here’s a gentle question I’m inviting you to ponder:

What part of you is performing self-care to “fix” something you haven’t fully allowed yourself to feel?

Notice what comes up.

If You’re Tired of Performing, Here’s a Different Kind of Support

Self-care is great. But let it be what it’s meant to be — care.

These practices can support you. But they won’t necessarily change your life if they come with pressure, guilt, or shame and if you’re using them to distract yourself from the pain within. 

I hope you get the nuance here. 

If you feel like:

• You’re stuck in a loop of overachieving to feel worthy,
  
• Caught in a life you didn’t fully choose,
  
• Feeling pressure to perform in every area — even your self-care…
  

Then the best way I can help is through my 1:1 coaching program.

All spots are full until mid-August, but if you’d like to join the waitlist, sign up for my newsletter or email me at monika@nulltheselflovepath.com.

You can also message me on Instagram and I’ll make sure you’re added.

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See you next week.