In this transformative conversation, somatic eating expert Stephanie Mara shares her revolutionary approach to healing our relationship with food and our bodies.
Moving beyond traditional diet culture solutions, Stephanie reveals why our food behaviors aren’t problems to fix—they’re wise adaptations our bodies created to keep us safe.
What is Somatic Eating?
Somatic means “relating to the body distinct from the mind.” While many therapeutic approaches focus on changing thoughts to change feelings (top-down), somatic work addresses how our body feels first, recognizing that about 80% of communication flows from our body up to our brain.
“A lot of therapeutic modalities are focusing way more on the mind… rather than bottom-up, which is more of a somatic or body-centered therapeutic approach to healing,” Stephanie explains.
Why Food Behaviors Aren’t the Problem
One of Stephanie’s most powerful insights challenges everything we’ve been told about emotional eating and binge eating:
“We have to stop seeing our food behaviors as the problem. And I like to more say that they were the answer. And they were the answer to a lack of safety. They were an answer to insecure attachment. They were an answer to feeling dysregulated.”
When we’re living predominantly in our sympathetic nervous system (fight-or-flight mode), our body seeks ways to stabilize. Food naturally releases dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin—creating temporary feelings of safety and connection when we feel overwhelmed or alone.
The Nervous System Connection
Stephanie’s personal journey began with severe digestive issues in her early twenties. Despite medical tests showing nothing wrong, she was diagnosed with IBS and told to “watch her stress.” This led her to explore the connection between her nervous system state and her relationship with food.
Living in chronic sympathetic activation from past trauma, combined with dieting and over-exercising, created a perfect storm where her digestion shut down and binge eating behaviors emerged as her body’s attempt to regulate and find safety.
Understanding Your Food Cravings
Rather than demonizing cravings, Stephanie encourages curiosity about what they’re communicating:
- Sugar cravings during stress are natural—your body wants quick glucose for energy
- Rich, grounding foods might indicate you’re overstimulated and need to come down
- Stimulating foods could signal you’re feeling immobilized and need activation
“We have to stop seeing even when you have food impulses as like bad or wrong, or you need to try to get rid of them, but we need to learn how to listen to them.”
When the Train Has Left the Station
Stephanie offers compassionate guidance for those intense moments when food urges feel overwhelming:
“When the food impulse is so loud and so strong… it’s really hard to actually slow down and tune in to your body… I usually like to kind of see it as like the train has already left the station.”
In these moments, rather than fighting yourself, focus on making the eating experience as stabilizing as possible. Practice curiosity with the food, eat consciously, and remember that you can explore what happened later when you’re not in crisis mode.
Starting Your Embodiment Practice
Embodiment doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Stephanie suggests starting small and safe:
- Find a cue of safety – Look at something in your environment that you enjoy and notice how your body responds
- Start neutral – Connect with body parts that don’t hold tension, like your fingertips or earlobes
- Notice without judgment – Simply observe temperature, texture, or subtle sensations
“That was embodiment. You just embodied a finger,” Stephanie explains, normalizing how simple these practices can be.
Moving Beyond Body Love to Body Respect
Instead of pressuring ourselves to love our bodies, Stephanie advocates for body neutrality and respect:
“So I don’t like to start with trying to move towards loving our body. I find that usually we need to start with just like body neutrality. I have a body and to be here in this world, I need to continue to exist in this body and to practice more body respect.”
She suggests treating your body like a beloved pet—ensuring it has food, water, movement, rest, and care, regardless of how you feel about its appearance on any given day.
The Power of Connection
One of the most crucial elements in healing food behaviors is breaking the isolation and shame:
“These food behaviors, they breed in the darkness. And the more that there is isolation, the more that there is disconnection, the more that we actually go lean on food for co-regulation, for safety.”
Finding even one person who can listen without judgment can shift your nervous system state and change how you perceive your relationship with food.
Food and Beyond
While food can provide temporary regulation, Stephanie emphasizes that it can only take us so far:
“Food can’t really satisfy all these other human needs that we have… food isn’t going to be the thing that helps me feel like I belong here. So do I need to go call a friend? Do I need to go to one of my favorite classes?”
The goal isn’t to eliminate food as a coping mechanism entirely, but to expand our toolkit and address the underlying needs for safety, connection, and regulation.
Key Takeaways
- Your food behaviors developed for wise reasons and served important functions
- Healing happens through nervous system regulation, not willpower
- Start embodiment practices with safe, neutral experiences
- Body neutrality and respect come before body love
- Connection and community are essential for breaking shame cycles
- Food can be part of your regulation toolkit alongside other resources
Stephanie’s approach offers hope for anyone tired of fighting their body and ready to develop a more compassionate, understanding relationship with both food and themselves. By addressing the root causes rather than just the symptoms, lasting healing becomes possible.
For more from Stephanie Mara, find her on Instagram @_stephanie_mara, visit her websites StephanieMara.com or somaticeating.com, and listen to her podcast “Satiated.”