You say you want change.

A new job. A deeper relationship. A different life.

You’re done with the old patterns. The self-sabotage. The constant pressure to start fresh on Monday.

But when it’s time to actually do something different — to face the discomfort, the uncertainty — you freeze. You avoid. You doubt. You numb.

I’ve been there. 

Sitting on the couch eating ice cream, telling myself it’s just one more spoonful. Just one more. Until it’s gone. And then the shame kicks in, and I swear that was the last time.

But here’s the thing: Real change is not about being tougher with yourself.

It’s about self-love.

Not the fluffy kind. I’m talking about the kind of self-love that can sit with your messiest moment and say: That’s part of me. And that’s okay.

Because if you can’t love the part of you that’s scared, or inconsistent, or overwhelmed — you’ll keep on hiding those parts. You’ll keep sabotaging the part of you that wants to grow.

Today, I’ll show you how self-love unlocks change, and why without it, your protective self, your ego, will fight to keep you exactly where you are.

Self-Love Isn’t Just a Buzzword — It’s the Foundation for Growth

My definition of self-love is being able to meet all parts of yourself with love. 

Even the parts that lie. The part that dumb-scrolls endlessly. That numbs out. That binges. That overworks. That manipulates. That ghosts. That cheats. That judges. That stays silent. Or has hurt people.

Love isn’t discriminatory. It isn’t conditional.

You can’t love one part of yourself but not another. That’s not love. That’s something else.

So why do I say self-love is essential for change?

Because if there’s a part of you you feel ashamed of, your protective self, your ego, will do everything it can to keep that part hidden.

It doesn’t believe you’re lovable with those parts, so to avoid rejection and abandonment, it covers them up.

But this becomes a problem when you try to grow or evolve.

Because if your worth is tied to what you do, then looking within will feel dangerous.

If there’s even a chance that what you find means you’re unworthy or unlovable, your ego will fight to keep you from finding it.

It will keep you distracted.

​​The Truth About Self-Sabotage

Distraction shows up in different ways.

One way is self-sabotage. 

You feel something uncomfortable and judge or reject that part of yourself. Your protective self answers the call: 

“Here’s an uncomfortable feeling—shame, guilt, fear—we don’t want to feel that. Let’s distract ourselves.” 

So you eat. You scroll. You drink. You overwork. You isolate.

This makes you feel a bit better — for about 5 seconds — until guilt and shame creep in, right on cue.

From that guilt, you make a promise to yourself to stop this “nonsense.” 

You say:

“I’ll never drink again. I’ll never binge again. I’ll delete Instagram. I’ll turn my phone into a dumb phone.“

The problem?

It’s a lie, and you know it. Because it’s a promise made from guilt. You’re trying to punish yourself into goodness, into happiness.

But guilt and shame are intolerable to feel — so your protective self shows up again with the same distraction. Five minutes after making the promise, you’re doing it again. And the cycle repeats.

This isn’t love. If you truly loved every part of yourself, you wouldn’t hide from yourself.

The child within you is afraid of the adult version of you — because they know they’ll get punished.

The task is to become the loving adult version of you — the one who doesn’t punish the child.

Freedom comes when you call it out.

“I lie to myself when I say I’ll go to bed at 9 p.m. and wake up at 5 a.m. That’s okay.”

Saying it out loud, saying that it’s okay, reduces the threat.

And that is extremely liberating. It releases an enormous amount of energy and vitality.

That energy can now be used for your creation.

I just want to point out here that I don’t really like the term self sabotage, because to me It carries judgment.

I prefer to call it protective behavior. 

Because once you understand that the protection is not needed — that it’s based on an illusion, a fear of being abandoned or unloved — you can drop the protection and return to love. 

No one wants to be sabotaging themselves, so labeling it as such might, just might, make it harder to meet it with love. 

Protective behaviour makes it easier for me at least to see that it’s not really trying to harm me, the strategy just isn’t that effective.  

Why You Judge Others (and What It Really Says About You)

Another form of distraction is projection.

You project your uncomfortable emotions onto others. You judge them so you don’t have to feel what you judge in yourself.

• Annoyed by the loud girl? Maybe you’ve silenced your own voice.
  
• Roll your eyes at someone doing something imperfectly? Maybe you’re terrified of getting it wrong.
  
• Feel envious of someone bold enough to take up space—maybe even judging me for this podcast? Maybe deep down, you want to step out too.

In my breathwork training, someone said it perfectly:

When you’re pointing one finger at someone else, you’re pointing three back at yourself.

Here’s a personal example.

When I felt the call to become a coach, a part of me judged the entire coaching industry.

Who was I to guide people? What if I failed? What if I looked like a fraud?

I told myself the industry was full of scams. I couldn’t understand why people would pay that kind of money to someone who calls themselves a “coach.”

But really — I was scared. I was scared of my own calling. Scared of stepping out of the safety of what I knew. And scared of being seen as a fraud and imposter myself. 

Scared of the voice inside me saying: Maybe I can help people. Maybe I can hold space. Maybe my story matters.

And so, I judged to mask the fear.

What I lacked was self-love,.

Because if I truly believed I was worthy no matter what — if it didn’t matter what others thought — I could’ve let myself take the risk.

We all do this.

• We say we’ll go to bed early, then don’t.
• We eat past fullness, then shame ourselves.
• We promise we’ll start fresh tomorrow—then we don’t.

And instead of getting curious, we pile on guilt. 

We punish. We push. We pretend.

But when you meet that cycle with love? Something shifts.

You stop resisting yourself. You stop defending. You stop pretending.

And finally, you start creating.

Self-love lets you say: That’s part of me. And that’s okay.

By the way, that’s why I named my business The Self Love Path.

Because this isn’t surface-level. It’s not a cute concept.

It’s the foundation for everything else.

One Exercise to Stop Hiding and Start Healing

Here’s a practice that one of my coaches taught me. It’s called truth hunting. 

Write down the things you lie to yourself about. Without judgment. Just honesty.

• I’ll stop scrolling at night.
  
• I won’t binge again.
  
• I’ll wake up early.
  
• I’ll never call him again.
  
• I’ll be different tomorrow.

Then say: No problem.

Not because you want to continue, but because you’re creating safety. You’re training your nervous system to stay with the truth.

Then ask: What feeling am I protecting myself from?

Maybe it’s fear of failure. Fear of being seen. Shame.
Can you let yourself feel it, even a little?

Now meet it with love. Say it out loud:

• I’m afraid of failing. That’s ok.
• I’m afraid of being seen. That’s ok.
• I’m afraid of never getting it right. That’s ok

And then: That’s okay.

That phrase — that’s okay — is where healing begins. 

Fixed vs. Flexible Mindset: Why Self-Worth Is the Missing Link

The biggest cost of lack of self love and therefore self-sabotage is that it keeps you stuck in your current reality.

It keeps you from your dream.

Many people say they want change—not just quitting drinking or stopping binge eating.

They dream of a new career. True love. More time. Less stress. A better life.

But here’s the truth: They want change — but they don’t want to change.

Why? Because looking within feels too risky.

You’ve probably heard of fixed vs. flexible mindset.

• A fixed mindset says: I’ve always been like this. I don’t have what it takes. It’s not going to work. I’m too old, too young, too this or too that. I can’t afford it. 
• A flexible mindset says: I can grow. I can evolve. I can learn from this.

But no one talks about the missing piece: You need self-love to live from a flexible mindset.

Because if your worth is tied to results — you’ll play small.

You’ll avoid failure. You’ll crave approval. You won’t see the lesson in imperfect outcomes. You’ll avoid risk unless you have a guarantee.

Self-love breaks that loop.

It lets you take risks because your worthiness isn’t on the line.

So if you’re hitting resistance over and over, ask:

What part of me am I still not willing to love?

Write down the things you’re afraid to let others see. This is truth hunting, go as deep as you can. Write down all the things that make you feel embarrassed or ashamed.

Look at it. Say it out loud.

Then meet it with love.

Because the moment you stop hiding from that part of you, is the moment you begin to change.

Are You Ready to Love the Parts You’ve Been Hiding?

If you’re stuck — not because you’re lazy, but because you’ve been protecting yourself from the truth — I have something for you.

I’m opening 3 spots this month for women who want to go from self-sabotage to self-love.

If you’re done judging yourself, done playing small, and ready to move forward – emotionally, professionally, spiritually — this is for you.

This isn’t part of my regular offering. I’ve created this because I’ve seen self sabotage and the lack of self love show up.  We’ll work together for 30 days. Laser focus. Deep impact.

You’ll leave with clarity, momentum, and the ability to trust yourself again.

If that resonates, book a call with me here and I can help you figure out if this is for you.

Thank you for being here. It means the world to me.

Remember, your worth is pre-designed. Walk gently on your path.